Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
