and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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