I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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