Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm at about main and main street
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
