She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
