I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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