Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
