dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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