He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
