Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
