So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize