Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And then my night got REAL pukey
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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