Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
