It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
