who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize