On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
