I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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