Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
