i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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