Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
