just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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