I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
