About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
