no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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