i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
