I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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