He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
