I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
