yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
