Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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