I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
