Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
its liver damage thursday
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
