The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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