Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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