I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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