He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
