what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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