Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
