Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Everything about him screamed your future.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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