yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
