WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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