Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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