Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
