she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
