So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
