My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
