Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
