im about as happy as oj after his trial
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize