i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
