who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
