sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
