there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
