youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize