When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
