I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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