yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
