Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
