the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
