I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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