Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
