We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
