my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
