So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
