im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
