The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
