Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
areolas are like halos for boobs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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