i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
