Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
