sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
