Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
