maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
