I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
