Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
