Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
