She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
