dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
