so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
