Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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