I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
