Can i not drive my cunt home
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize