my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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