eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
