last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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