she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
