I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
