I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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