i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize