I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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